Three days to move all Our Accumulated Stuff to La Casa Grande. Three days I will not EVER, EVER, EVER care to repeat again…
Day One… I was in You’s beat-up & old AUDI by 8:30 AM. Destination? Codiponte naturalmente!!! May I say? You says I’ve reduced His Car to such a shameful state with My Crack Driving Skills. He never misses an opportunity to remind me of several well placed scrapes My Driving has left on the AUDI’s dingy grey body-work. Well, of course, You, I hit that column at the Garage’s exit. Why did you have to call me when I was trying to make the darn turn out of the place? This is how I see it… I don’t remind Him of His Errors. Why must He do Mine? Is that at all Fair? The Crappy Car was packed full of pictures, antlers, pillows, sheets, carpets, incidental pieces of furniture, etc. The Light Stuff. Got to Codiponte promptly at 10 AM. Unloaded all into the Apartment Azzurro in less than an hour and was back on the autostrada for Genoa. Once home, the rest of the afternoon was spent preparing AND worrying about Move Days Two & Three… moving Our Accumulated Stuff in a rented van. More like a semi-truck as you will learn.
Day Two… woke-up at 5:30 in Absolute Fright. Had walked The Dogs and was at The Van Rental Office… at the frigging airport!!!… at 7:30 AM. MAJOR VAN. HUGE. ENORMOUS. XXL. Tall enough to put Our Five-and-a-half-foot-tall Refrigerator upright inside. Picked up Our Housekeeper’s son… 27 years old & built like Hay-stack Calhoon.. hired to help me move, at 8:30 AM. By 8:45 AM, I had already crashed The Van into the iron gate opening of Our Garage Complex. The Van was too damn tall to make it through unhurt. Took us over an hour to load up Our Accumulated Stuff. May I say? Our Collective Garages… thankfully, side-by-side… are on another level. There, the ceilings are only seven feet high. So, all had to be hand-trucked down to where The Van got stuck. There, the ceilings are 30+ feet high EXCEPT… damn-it… for The Entrance Gate. There, it was 3 inches too low for The Van’s height. The Stuff was heavy & unwieldy… tables, chairs, a sofa and a fake fireplace You wanted to have placed in the Apartment Azzurro. The fake part is light. Wood. The mirror, however, weighs a ton. Then, had to back out The Loaded Van up a narrow ramp. Left my mark on the walls, naturalmente!!! Noticed that the clutch was smoking too. Ignored it due to impatience of My Mission. Took 30 minutes of screaming, swearing and back ‘n forthing The Loaded Van to be Free & Away from the ramp. Then, we headed to Codiponte. At the exit for the Big City of Aulla, right before stopping to pay the toll, the clutch went out… damn-it!!! Police showed up. THEY WERE HELPFUL!!! One even spoke with The Van Rental Office to get them to make the telephone call to Assistance to have pronto another van. Four long & boring hours later, and listening to a series of lies from Assistance, a driver and A New Van appeared. Our Helper & I unloaded and re-loaded The Heavy Stuff into The New Van. A smaller one. Made the man who had brought us The New Van, drive us to Codiponte. I was over hitting things. The three of us unloaded The Heavy Stuff into La Casa Grande. The Winner for Weight & Inconvenience was the washing machine. Do you know the manufacturers put frigging stones in their guts to keep them steady when the centrifuge hits? By 5:45 PM, we were on Our Way to Lavagna to drop off The Driver before we could arrive in Genoa for Load Number Two. Spent an hour searching a parking space for The New Van. One requiring no backing up. Had to park The New Van half a mile away. You… Thank God!!!… arrived to help us cart More Heavy Stuff down six floors to the street. Then, walked back the half mile to get The New Van, bring it to the apartment building’s entrance, where all The Heavy Stuff was piled waiting to be loaded. You took Our Helper home. I went home to shower & cook Our Dinner. We ate at 11:30 PM. Bed. Nightmares till morning.
Day Three… Our Helper was waiting by The New Van with Bad News. Someone… some clever, frustrated & repressed delinquent person… had bashed The Shit out of one of the side-view mirrors. Good that I had Our Helper. He helped by jamming the side-view mirror back into its smashed plastic home. Off to Codiponte. The trip to Carcare to pick up two HUGE pieces of furniture… an armoire & credenza… was cancelled due to the reduced dimensions of The New Van. Managed to get almost to Codiponte before I unconsciously side-swiped a wall at the local hardware store. I wanted to buy plastic sheets to cover the furniture. The Owner of the wall wanted a word with me. I DID NOT WANT a word with him. I fled. May I say? Vans are a bitch to drive. Avoiding an object, like walls, stanchions, trees, bushes, cars even, you just effortlessly turn around them and you’re on Your Way. NOT SO WITH A VAN. You have to go beyond the darn object and then turn. However, it becomes real tricky, if you are suddenly blocked by another object… normally, another wall, stanchion, tree, or car… for cryin’ out loud!!! Managed to arrive in Codiponte without further damages. We unloaded The New Van and were on Our Way Home by Noon. I thought I was going to have a heart-attack from The Stress. I felt faint. I had pains. I wanted to throw-up. By 2 PM, however, we had tanked The New Van up to Full, bent back a few dents, checked that the side-view mirror would pass muster in its ad hoc home and had dealt with The Van Rental Office. Due to the Disasters of the Previous Day, I only had to pay for one. At least that!!! I took Our Helper home. Payed him A Substantial Amount of Money for His Permanent Silence. And, was at home, drinking & dunking tranquilizers by 3:30 PM. Yet, by 5 PM… No Rest for the Weary, or The Mad, as they say… You was dragging me to shop the stores. More Stuff. Gads.